Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
