dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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