He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
