I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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