Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
