I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
