What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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