why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
