I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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