and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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