Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
