so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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