Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
there is puke in my bra ... again
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