i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
50% drunk capacity currently
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
They have beer where we have blood.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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