I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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