singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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