So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
