Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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