you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
