is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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