dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize