If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize