Whod you bang
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
