And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The Olympian is in my bed
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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