"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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