my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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