hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
