the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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