im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize