i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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