He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
