Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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