the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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