I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How's work?
Spinning.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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