and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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