Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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