Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
