you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
