So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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