and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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