Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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