John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
false alarm, still single
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