he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize