Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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