just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
