mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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