Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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