Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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