Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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