In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
