we have pet lesbian snakes
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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