I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
well you can't waste a boner
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
