sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
