let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
