so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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