so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
