Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize