Yo dont text me then not text me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She's the barista slut.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
