i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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