just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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