Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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