pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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