jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize