i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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