Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
His hands were made for my vagina.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
