why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i now understand why vodka
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
