Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
