If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
