Having a random hookup so left but love u
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
