I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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