so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
