I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
