It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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