well you can't waste a boner
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
