Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think my vagina is haunted
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
