I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
