You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Reggie can tackle my bush.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
