this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
