I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
