i permit you to call me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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