hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
