She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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