You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
