I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
