What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
