theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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