well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize