Acid is not a monday night drug
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
