She said her name was "party"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
