But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she peed on how many people?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
