i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
