hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
