i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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