doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
