Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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