You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
