I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
