You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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