I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
